You know that one of my passions is communication.
I’ve spent decades studying communication and am an accredited instructor for Thomas Gordon’s Leader Effectiveness Training and overall Effectiveness Training, both of which place a heavy emphasis on developing communication skills.
So this week I cringed when a colleague shared with me, her dismay at receiving some feedback.
These days I’m also cautious about using the word “feedback” because for most of us, it means something negative is coming or a criticism of some sort.
Anyhoo, we’ll call her Jasmine.
In a public forum, one of Jasmine’s colleagues pointed out that a diagram Jasmine had created was not perfectly symmetrical.
“The diagram doesn’t line up”, said the colleague.
“Ouch”, felt Jasmine.
“Even if it was slightly off, couldn’t she have said it in a more tactful or polite way, especially in front of others?” asked Jasmine.
“Yes, I believe she could”, I replied.
“How would you have given the feedback?” she asked.
I would have come from offering a point for improvement rather than blatantly saying it was wrong.
For example, something like, “I’m wondering if the lines could be moved a little closer together so they are all the same distance from each other?”
The second version comes from an attitude of curiosity and desire to help improve.
The first version lands as being direct, harsh and superior.
When you’re providing feedback to your work colleagues or even at home with your family, please consider how your comments will land with the other.
Your intention might be to help improve, however your words may have the exact opposite effect.
Your colleagues may feel embarrassed and hurt and could feel like you are pointing out their errors on purpose, which will do little for your relationship.
Now I know there are some of you “Driver” type personalities who are direct and don’t like using “fluffy” words, however, before you leap to debate the issue, ask yourself this question, “Do I care about the relationship?” If the answer is “Yes”, (for whatever reason), then please, use your skills.
Take the time to find a better way to say it.
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