It took me a long time to figure out that when I made a request of my mother and her reply was, “We’ll talk about that later,” it was code for “No, that’s not happening. Definitely not.”
Why she couldn’t just say “No”, always intrigued me and then I found out that she wasn’t the only one who used codes.
One of my former boss used to say, “I’ll consider it”.
My friend’s mum says, “I’ll have a little think”.
What does your boss or mother or father or partner say?
Why do we seem to find it so hard to say, “No”?
Gordon Training International answers with the following:
- Desire to please. “What will she think of me?”
- Fear of hurting someone. “I don’t want to disappoint her.”
- Guilt. “How could I turn them down?”
- Surprise. “Well, I guess I could do it.”
- Deference to authority. “Yes, sir!”
- Reciprocation. “She’d do it for me.”
- Duty. “I owe it to them.”
- Need for power. “If I say ‘No’, they’ll think I can’t handle it.”
I’m curious. How many of the above apply to you?
I’m fascinated by how many of us, me included at times, will shy away from simply saying, “No thank you.”
In fact, when we don’t speak our truth, we are actually lying by omission.
How many of you in sales would much prefer to hear “No”, as quickly as possible, so you can move on and not harass people who aren’t interested in what you have to offer, as well as not waste yours or their time?
In fact, Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz wrote a book, titled “Go for No” to explain why it’s so important (if counter intuitive) to “Go for No”, rather than chasing a “Yes”.
They get excited when they hear “No” because it means they are closer to a “Yes”. For example, one of my clients wanted to find a girlfriend so he set himself a task of getting 100 “No’s”. The rationale behind this is that the 100 “No’s” meant that he would keep asking ladies out on a date, and not be upset if they said “No” because he simply crossed that one off the list and moved to the next. Consequently, he gave more invitations, and therefore actually got more dates.
So the moral to the story this week is two fold.
- It’s ok, in fact it’s preferable, for you to say “No”, when it’s a “No”. No more hiding behind codes or keeping people hanging on.
- If you are in sales, Go for No. It will increase the number of calls you make, which in turn will increase the number of “Yeses” you receive.
Give it a go and let me “No” the outcome!